


The Fifth Chair

by Ink_Gypsy



Category: LOTR RPS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-12
Updated: 2010-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-07 05:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_Gypsy/pseuds/Ink_Gypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At Sean's request, Elijah writes a letter to his estranged father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fifth Chair

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel of sorts to my story _Sons_.

Elijah boots up his laptop and opens his word processing program. He clicks on the icon for a new document then stares at the blank page, stark white against the black border of his laptop. After a few minutes he moves the cursor to the upper right-hand corner of the screen, preparing to close the program, but doesn't click the "X." Instead, he brings the cursor back to the top of the blank page. Even though he thinks this is a complete waste of time, Elijah promised Sean he'd do it, so if for no other reason, he'll stick with it until he gets it done. Heaving a heavy sigh, he begins to type.

> Dear Warren,
> 
> Even though I'm writing this letter instead of talking to you face to face, I still can't bring myself to call you Dad. Maybe it's because I don't think of you that way. I don't think I ever have, not even when all five of us were living together under the same roof as... I was going to say _as a family_, but that wouldn't be true. To me, family has always been Mom, Zach and Hannah. You were just a guy who sat at the kitchen table at breakfast and dinner, someone who occupied the fifth chair.
> 
> Considering I've lived without a father for as long as I lived with one, you'd think I'd be over my daddy issues by now. And yet for years after you were gone, I'd lie awake and think about what things might have been like if you hadn't left us, if you'd stayed and tried to work things out with Mom.
> 
> You know, I actually used to think it was my fault. I know all kids of divorce think they're to blame for their parents breaking up, but I really believed it was my fault. I had good reason, didn't I? After all, things were fine when we lived in Cedar Rapids, weren't they? It wasn't until Mom started me modeling and then acting that things began to change. Once we moved to California, everything fell apart. We wouldn't have moved there if it hadn't been for me, so why shouldn't I have blamed myself?
> 
> Sean keeps telling me I shouldn't feel that way, that I was just a kid when you and Mom split up. He says that as adults, you made your own choices and Hannah and I weren't responsible for what you did. Zach was older, almost an adult, but he didn't have a say either, although his moving back to Iowa with you says a lot about his feelings on the subject.
> 
> You may already know this, but in case you don't, the Sean I'm talking about is Sean Astin. He played Samwise to my Frodo, and though we tried our best to fight it, we fell in love during the eighteen months we spent filming in New Zealand. It's taken us ten years to get here, but we're finally together, and even though the State of California still refuses to allow us to make it legal, we consider ourselves married. A piece of paper won't make us feel any more married than we do now. You and Mom had a marriage license and it sure as hell didn't keep you together.
> 
> I gave up on you years ago when you cut Hannah and me out of your life, but Sean is the kind of guy who always sees the best in people. Even if everyone else thinks they don't deserve it, Sean believes in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. It's the way he was raised.
> 
> Sean's a child of divorce, too, but he's remained close to his father, or should I say fathers. He's got three of them. He was raised by one man, and only found out after he was a grown man that a different man was his biological father. Sean still considers the man who raised him to be his real father, but he's forged a relationship with his biological father, as well as with the man his mother married after his parents divorced.
> 
> A child being estranged from his father is a totally foreign concept to Sean, so much so that he feels guilty having that relationship in his life when I don't. Each year, he tries to play down Father's Day to spare my feelings. Sean is the reason I'm writing this letter. He has such a loving, giving heart that despite what I've told him about you, he still thinks there's hope for us. He thinks that if I pour my heart out to you, if I extend an olive branch, then I can have my father in my life again. So I'm writing this letter, not for you, but for Sean. Because he asked me to, and because I love him. And while it won't be the letter he's expecting me to write, I'm glad I agreed to do it because getting this stuff off my chest is actually doing me some good.
> 
> I've always known in my head that I bore no responsibility for your leaving, but after putting it all down in words, I think I finally know it in my heart. You couldn't make your marriage work, and I can forgive you for that. Lots of men get divorced, but they don't all divorce their kids as well as their wives. You deserted us. You didn't care enough about Hannah and me to stay in our lives after you left Mom, and for that I can never forgive you.
> 
> Sean has children of his own, three daughters. He's a great father, and even though he's no longer with their mother, he's still as involved in their lives as he was before the divorce. Because he's such a generous man, he's allowing me to be a parent to them, too, and even though I had such a lousy role model, I know I can be a better father than you ever were. You're a shallow, selfish man, and you probably always have been. At the beginning of this letter, I said you were just a guy who sat in the fifth chair. I'll probably always think of you that way, but I've finally realized that the chair you occupied every day while you were living with us was just as empty when you were sitting in it as it was after you were gone.
> 
> I hope you're happy in the life you've made for yourself, Warren. It could have been a much richer one if you'd allowed your two youngest children to be part of it, but it was your choice that we weren't, and even if you're too short-sighted to see it, it's your loss.
> 
> One last thing. If you're ever in California and feel the urge to pay me a visit, don't. You're not welcome in my home and you never will be. You had a chance to be a real father to me, but you blew it, and there's no going back. When I was a kid, I thought I didn't deserve your love, but now I know it's you who was never worthy of mine.
> 
> Goodbye, Warren.
> 
> Your biological son,
> 
> Elijah

He prints out the letter, folds it and puts it into an envelope before he realizes that he doesn't have Warren's mailing address. It would be easy enough to find out where he lives. Elijah is willing to bet his mother has it in her address book, but he doesn't even consider calling her to ask. Sean was right about the letter. He's accomplished what he needed to by writing it, so there's no need for him to mail it. He throws the letter, envelope and all, into the wastebasket beside the desk.

Elijah goes looking for Sean, going over in his mind the things he's going to say when he finds him. The first thing he's going to tell Sean is that he was right, and to thank him for pushing him to write the letter to Warren. Then he's going to tell Sean what a great father he is, and how thankful he is to have Sean in his life. And when he's done saying that, Elijah is going to tell Sean how very much he loves him.

When he finds him sitting at the kitchen table, Elijah suddenly decides he's not going to tell Sean how much he loves him. Taking him by the hand, he leads Sean into the bedroom so he can show him.


End file.
